The best way to eliminate confusion is to cultivate clarity.
Clients often reach out to me when they are stuck in the process of deciding on something that feels very important, and they are unable to clearly see what is right for them.
I am always wary of giving advice, but I often share guiding principles that I have found useful in my own life and in working with several clients over the years. When it comes to gaining clarity for making important decisions, there are 3 Key Principles, which you can use as successive filters to help arrive at a decision.
Principle 1: Start with Why
Any time you feel stuck and unable to decide, you should go back and look at your Why. Depending on the situation, this Why might be the objectives for something you are working on, goals you are trying to achieve, your strategic imperatives, or even your purpose and vision. The more important a decision, and the greater the impact, the higher the level of Why from which to assess it.
For example, recently, I was considering the idea of buying a new desktop to replace my old machine. This is not really a critical decision (I have two laptops that meet all my requirements) and all I need for deciding is to look at my cash-flow targets for this quarter. And that settles the matter for me.
A more significant decision was deciding whether to work with a mentor whose fees would have cost more than half my projected income this year. The fact that I did not reject the idea outright meant there were a lot of considerations to unpack. He is a role model for me professionally, he is extremely selective about who he works with, working with him would earn me significant bragging rights, and due to the brand association, I might even be able to charge higher fees myself (I’d HAVE to!)...
All these factors appear relevant, but so does the large impact on my income. That prompted me to look at this decision from a higher level of WHY - my professional purpose and vision. When I use that lens, I see that working with this mentor would not really move the needle much. There are a number of other things I have to work on to fulfil my purpose, which this mentorship would not help me with. So it was a difficult decision - but one I can live with.
Principle 2: Never Split The Difference
If your decision passes the filter of Principle 1, the next step is to look at your non-negotiables. These might be personal values, commitments (stated or unstated) to important people in your life, and anything else that is important for you to honour.
As an example, imagine you are deciding on taking up a new role. Further imagine that this is aligned with your Why (career goals or any other appropriate Why from Principle 1), but requires you to back out of an important commitment to your loved ones - spending more time together as a family. This is where Principle 2 - Never Split The Difference kicks in. Essentially, this principle asks that you not compromise on your non-negotiables, just because the stakes appear high.
A pitfall many of us are vulnerable to is that when a significant decision fails this 2nd Screen, we tend to reassess priorities, renegotiate commitments, or reexamine values. There is nothing wrong with revisiting priorities, reviewing commitments, or looking at your values again; but if you do it in the face of a significant conflicting decision, chances are you will do it for the wrong reasons. And given how good we are at rationalising our decisions, it may be months or even years before we realise and acknowledge that we might have made the wrong choice.
Principle 3: Action Brings Clarity.
Sometimes, having passed the filters of the first two principles, we are still unable to decide. We wait for more information or over analyse the information we have, or even pray for divine inspiration. Sleeping over a decision in hope of some clarifying insight or inspiration is a good idea - within limits. However, if you find yourself in a state of analysis paralysis, waiting for even greater clarity, it is useful to invoke Principle 3: Action brings Clarity.
Sometimes, the only way to get clarity is by taking some action. Often, you learn more from taking a small step in the direction you are considering, than you would from analysing heaps of data, considering a range of scenarios, or simulating a number of options.
There is value in analysis, and simulation, and thinking in scenarios - however we often forget that what we learn from these analyses depends on what we start with - data and assumptions. Since data is usually limited, and assumptions can be wrong, you cannot over rely on these. In such situations, taking action provides additional information, and confirms or invalidates assumptions. So taking action is often the best, and sometimes the only way of getting the clarity required to take a decision.
To summarise, when you are confused and unable to decide, it is time to invoke the 3 Principles:
- Start with Why
- Never Split the Difference
- Action brings clarity
In all cases, we are eliminating confusion by intentionally cultivating clarity. The word cultivating is important, because it reminds us that clarity grows in stages and takes time. The process of gaining clarity is less like switching on a bulb and more like clearing successive layers of grime on your windows - gradually allowing more light in and illuminating the room of your mind.