Would You Rather be Right or be Effective?

Early in my career, when I was leading a team that worked primarily with internal customers, I recall getting into frequent arguments. I would challenge my colleagues on their decisions, often trivial ones that really didn’t matter much.

While my team was appreciated for its work, when my manager asked stakeholders for feedback, typical responses were “stubborn”, “strong-headed”, “must learn to get along”…

When my manager asked me about this, I protested that I challenged them only when they were “wrong”. My manager, a couple of decades my senior, asked : “so you are OK with pissing everybody off just to prove you are right?”

At that time, I felt it was a silly question - of course one should always do the right thing! Isn’t it?

Luckily I outgrew that attitude, and it didn’t do as much damage to my career. However, much later, when I started reading and thinking about leadership and inter-personal dynamics, I realised how close I had come to derailing my career.

World-renowned business educator and coach Marshall Goldsmith often speaks about ineffective behaviours that hold leaders back. The first one in his list of 20 Bad Habits is:

The need to win at all costs and in all situations – when it matters, when it doesn’t, and when it’s totally beside the point.

While one may be tempted to dismiss this as an irritating, but essentially harmless personality trait, psychologist Dan Mager warn us that it can have serious consequences on our relationships:

For someone who is emotionally attached to the need to be right, all divergent perspectives, ideas, suggestions, and actions must be “wrong.” The need to be right convinces him or her of the correctness of his or her approach, while attachment to this end serves to justify the means used to facilitate it. When this dynamic is acted out it creates suffering for those caught in its wake—most often, partners and family members, including children.

A recent blog post by Scott Eblin asks this question another way : Would You Rather Be Effective or Be Right? Mr Eblin is clearly of the view that being right at any cost is not the right strategy:

In organizational leadership, being right is less important than being effective. My point isn’t that you should strive to be wrong. My point is that there is often more than one right answer and your answer is one among many possibilities. Instead of seeking to prove you’re right, focus on being effective.

Assuming you buy into this idea, how do you actually go about putting it into practice? Scott Eblin suggests you start by asking yourself what you are really trying to achieve, and to never lose sight of that goal. If you feel tempted to point out what is right, be sure to ask yourself whether your intervention will move the organisation closer to that larger goal, or hold it back.

Another idea is to suppress your impulse to react immediately. Take a deep breath, or better still sleep on it. Your response after giving the matter due consideration is likely to be more measured, and cause less damage.

Finally, get into the habit of asking whether it is worth it at all. Dr Goldsmith has a mantra for such occasions: 

My experience with great leaders has led me to develop a simple formulation, one that can help you avoid pointless skirmishes and help you take on the challenges that really matter. Follow it, and you will dramatically shrink your daily volume of stress, unpleasant debate and wasted time. I phrase it as a question: AM I WILLING AT THIS TIME TO MAKE THE INVESTMENT REQUIRED TO MAKE A POSITIVE DIFFERENCE ON THIS TOPIC?

The big idea then, is to be aware of this tendency, and to constantly check in with yourself by asking “Would I rather be right or be effective?”

Is needing to win all the time a habit that you are struggling with?

What is your strategy to prevent this from causing serious damage to your relationships, your organisation, and your career?

​Please leave a comment below or send me an email, and I’ll do my best to answer your questions.